I hope you have a deliciously naughty birthday, oh Queen of smut! Guess what? Besides being your birthday, today is also two-for-one day! I couldn't decide on which picture I liked better, so you get both. There appears to be a theme here. Because when I think of you, I think very smutty thoughts. Take that however you want to. ;)



Hee! How perfect is this? I'll have it engraved onto your throne.



I think I want to build a house here... on smut corner. Maybe this is where we'll build the palace.


*GIANT BIRTHDAY HUGS*

Hello, friends!

For those of you who aren't aware, I ended up winning the month-long writing contest at brigits_flame!! It was a wonderful surprise and I'm still pretty jazzed about it. Thank you all so much for the support along the way! :)

On top of that, I have some really big news to share today. I have decided (due to the encouragement of my family and some fabulous friends) to go back to school.

Now, for some history...

All throughout high school, my goal was to become a Phys-Ed teacher. It wasn't until OAC (grade 13 - yes, we used to have that here in Ontario) that my plans changed. Brock University was offering a new Recreation Management program that immediately appealed to me. It was such a broad area of study; I thought it would open up many doors for me. So I went through the four year program and graduated in April of '06. I worked at GM that summer and fall while I job-searched. In January of '07 I was hired as a Recreation Manager at the Delta Rocky Crest Resort. I worked there for the best part of a year. It was an incredible experience for me, and I fell in love with the resort lifestyle. During the off-season, I applied to a sister resort in Alberta for a similar position, was given an interview, and shortly thereafter I was hired. Here's where things got a little sour. Typically, with resort employees, when one person transfers out of a position, another person transfers in. I was hired for a position at the Alberta resort before the person transferring out was accepted at their desired resort. As it turns out, this person never ended up transferring in the end... and I got screwed. Not only that, it was too late at that point to return to Rocky Crest, so I was doubly screwed.

I job-searched like a fiend from that point on. I had interview after interview after interview, but nothing was clicking. It always came down to one key ingredient: experience. It didn't help that the economy was starting to take a nosedive and everybody and their brother was looking for work. I was fortunate to receive part-time work in the local city recreation department, but I couldn't seem to land that 'ideal job.' And that's when I started having all these epiphanies. First I thought I wanted to be a Personal Trainer, so I looked into all the courses and training necessary to receive such certification. Then I thought I might want to work on a cruise ship, so I sent out dozens of resumes to that effect.

And finally, finally, in September, everything just fell into place. The answer was obvious. The recreation field is hugely dependent on the economy, the jobs aren't very well-paying, and you really don't get any benefits unless you land a position at a university. Teachers in Canada are very well-paid, receive incredible benefits, and are highly revered... Plus, I've been living with my parents this whole time, and thanks to them, I have enough money saved to be able to pay for the additional education. Plus, plus, I think I could be a great teacher. I love being active and inspiring other people to be active. Decision made.

So I talked to the necessary people and put the wheels in motion.

I will be returning to my alma mater in January of next year, registered in the Bachelor of Phys-Ed Honors program. It's originally a 4-year program, but it's been cut down to a little under 2.5 due to all the credits I could transfer over from my previous degree. Add another year of teachers college onto that, and we're looking at 3.5 years. So I'll be about 30 when it's all said and done, but I don't care. I know that I'm finally where I need to be, I feel amazingly confident about my decision, and I'm so excited for the future now.

I'm gonna be like Sue Sylvester! Warm-up suits every day!

Oh, and if any of you wanna come down and hang with me for a few days, walk with me to class and stuff so I don't look like a big loser... that would be great. :P

And because I'm feeling particularly Glee-ful, here are a couple pictures...

( GLEEEEEEE! )

I made it to the fourth and final week in the month-long writing competition at brigits_flame! Wooty woot woot! This week's prompt was the word 'hands'. I have Neil Diamond to thank for the inspiration. As always, my entry is below the cut.

( Read more )

Hope you have a positively delightful birthday filled with happiness and cake and birthday cake ice cream and peanut butter and caramel apples and chocolate and chocolate-covered peanut butter and FUN!

*hugs and cuddles*

Julie Bean :)





Btw, how freaking awesome is this book? You NEED this book.

Um, hi.

I'm up late. Anyway, I made it to the third week in the month-long writing competition at brigits_flame! Huzzah! This week's prompt was the word 'teeth'. And yes, yes, I made this a dirty story. It's quite dirty, actually. As usual, if you'd like to read it, it's under the cut.

( Read more )

Because you are the ultimate celebrity stalker, this one's for you! Hope you have a fantastically awesome birthday, my Canadian sister!

Love and hugs from Jewels, Ellen, and Gypsy. :)

Below is an account of my recent trip to South Carolina to visit with some friends. The title of this entry will eventually make sense. Maybe.

( Read Me! )

Hi, everybody!

So, I successfully made it to second week in the month-long writing competition at brigits_flame. Woot! This week's prompt was the word 'navel'. Shockingly, I didn't make this a dirty story. If you'd like to read it, it's under the cut.

( Read more )

Hey, everyone!

I have a few things I want to talk about today. First and foremost, I was just informed that juggling increases the production of white matter inside your brain. Woooooot! But why do I feel stupider? Maybe I have so much white matter inside my brain, that it's formed into this giant glob of stupid, and it's destroying all the grey matter. Or maybe I shouldn't have dropped that glass jar on my head a week ago.

Moving on... A few weeks ago, I decided to join eharmony, mostly out of curiosity. I haven't really enjoyed it, but there's not much to enjoy when you don't have a paid account. However, this past weekend was a 'free communication' weekend. Essentially, that means that you can work your way to 'open communication' with matches that you're interested in. Open communication involves personal messages and most people start emailing at that point. Well, I made it to this stage with one match in particular. I couldn't see his picture, but his profile was decent, and he seemed like a pretty cool guy. Anyway, he sent me an email, and I could see his full name for the first time, and I tell ya, it sounded familiar. Just for the hell of it, I logged into facebook, and my suspicions were confirmed. Not only do I KNOW this guy, but our mutual friend tried to set us up almost two years ago... without success. I just wasn't that into him, although, I do recall that he was incredibly awesome at Rock Band. God, I swear, this could only happen to me. So now I have to be the one to remind this guy that we actually know each other, and somehow I need to convince him that I preferred our relationship before the actual communication. He can go on being the guy on my facebook that I never talk to, and I can be the girl that he clearly forgot about. Sound good? Good.

Now, for the important stuff. As most of you already know, my grandpa passed away recently. I want to thank you all for the kind words and condolences. They were very much appreciated. Yesterday, we finally held a memorial service for him at my cousin's inn in Gananoque, Ontario. There was an impressive turnout of family and friends, who gathered to reminisce about the man that we all adored. I drove down with my parents, but before we went to the service, we stopped at my grandma's house to bring some lunch for her and my aunt. Now, as I mentioned in my previous entry, my grandpa was a very playful man. There are so many costumes and toys and hats and props at their house. Well, I managed to locate his Native Headdress. I remember he used to wear that and a fur vest, and tell all of us kids in his best Native voice, the story of Gananoque, or as he pronounced it, "Gan-an-oq-wah". There are dozens of pictures in photo albums of various family members and friends wearing this same headdress. There are several of myself, as well, but out of nostalgia, I had to put it on yesterday. In my best 'grandpa' voice, I tried to tell my own story about Gananoque, much to my grandma's delight. Afterward, I found an old witch mask and a broom, and I was off to the races again.

Now, I couldn't very well talk about these amazing costumes without showing you visual evidence. My aunt and my dad took me outside and had a contest to see who could take the best picture. My aunt kept telling me to stop smiling, and my dad kept trying to add things to my costume, like random leaves off the ground. Craziness. Anyway, here are some pics.

( Looky, looky! )

Hey, folks! I'm going to hide most of this entry under the cut, but for those interested, this is my submission for the weekly writing competition at the brigits_flame community. I just recently joined this competitive writing community, and so far it's been a fantastic experience. If you want to know more about it, feel free to ask me, or visit the community for yourself.

This week's prompt was the word 'instep'. And this is my way of bringing life to the topic...

( Read more )

My grandpa died this morning.

I knew it was coming. He’s been in the hospital in Intensive Care for several weeks, but nothing can truly prepare you for it. It’s especially hard, since this is really the first person of significance in my life that I’ve lost.

I’m so glad that I was home this morning with my parents when we heard the news, and we could all cry together and hug each other. We called my brother on his cell, and cried some more.

I’ve been so lucky, making it to the age of 26, with all four of my grandparents in my corner. But now that number’s decreased by one, and it’s only going to go down from here. My remaining grandparents are all in their 80s (my other grandpa is almost 90), and as much as I hope otherwise, I know they’re not going to live forever.

My grandpa’s body had been gradually filling with carbon dioxide; he wasn’t able to expel it quickly enough, so when he died, it was comparable to dying in his sleep. He just didn’t have the strength to wake up. And really, I’m happy that he wasn’t suffering and that he went so peacefully.

He was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a few years ago, and this last year, we really noticed his condition worsening. We had plans to move him into a home, to save my grandma the stress of caring for him, but then his health took a drastic turn.

I went to the hospital a couple weeks ago, and I was able to see my grandpa one last time, and kiss him, and tell him how much I loved him. When he first saw me, his eyes lit up and he said, “Hey, baby.” That has always been his term of endearment for me, and it thrilled me that he remembered.

I want to tell you all about how special he was. He was probably my biggest cheerleader. He was so encouraging and supportive of all my wacky schemes and crazy life dreams. He was a brilliant man; he owned his own business and was extremely affluent throughout his life. He and my grandma lived in a beautiful home (that he helped design and build) in Gananoque, Ontario, on the Thousand Islands. He also helped my dad build our current home (over 34 years ago).

My grandpa loved to play. He never lost touch with his youth, and that’s something that I’m sure he passed down to me. So many toys and games and masks and costumes filled their house. It was always so exciting to visit, and see what new gadgets and gizmos there were to play with.

I remember when I first learned how to juggle, and put on a show for my grandparents. The next time I went to see them, my grandpa had three new balls for me to add to my collection. He also loved it whenever I played on their baby grand piano. I was the only grandchild that enjoyed tickling the ivories, and they were tickled by my love for it.

When I think of my grandpa, I think of yo-yos and spinning tops, and laughter and fun.

He was an incredible artist, and an amazingly generous, loving and dear human being. I’m going to celebrate his life today, and in honour of his wonderful life, here’s a picture of us together. This is the grandpa I’ll always remember.



I love ya, baby.

Dear itunes, Hulu, fox.com and Amazon, among others,

Do not shake pompoms in front of my face and tempt me with free Glee, when you have no intentions of letting me in the club. You are anti-Canadian and you disgust me.

Dear megavideo.com,

Bless you and your pro-Canuck ways. Some back bacon and a mickey is on its way to you, eh.

I searched Google images for a picture of Wet!smut for your b-day, and this is what came up. No kidding, eh?



Hope you have an ab-fab birthday, and remember: never approach a hissing beaver.

Love ya!!

Mary Murphy has something she wants to say to you...






For your birthday, you have earned two first class tickets on the hot tamale train! Wooooooooo! Hope you have a fabulous day! Can't wait to 'bond' with you again when the new season starts! ;)

Love ya!

Here's a new one. Getting a rejection phone call at eight in the flipping morning. How great is that?

And now I'm right back where I started. I don't even know what to do anymore. I don't know how to feel. I'm so tired of this same thing happening, over and over and over again. I know I'm usually a very positive person, but I'm not feeling very positive right now, probably because it's barely been an hour since the phone call, and it's a fresh wound. I usually allow myself a day of wallowing, and then I get over things. I'll get over this, too, I'm sure. I just feel like venting in the meantime.

It always comes down to experience. I hear the same damn thing every time. How much experience do you want? Perhaps you could be a little more specific about that before I drive three hours to interview for a position I have no hope in getting. I have tons of experience working in the recreation field. I worked for the Campus Rec department in my university for four years; I worked at a resort in Muskoka as Recreation Manager for a year; and since then, I've been working for the city of Peterborough as a referee and Coordinator of Recreation Programs, only part-time, but at least that's something.

I wish that employers had a problem with my personality, or that I interviewed poorly, or was ineloquent. Just something that I would have the power to control, or improve upon. I can't change the amount of experience I've had.

I know it's a tough time in the world of employment. I know it's especially competitive right now, because the jobs are scarce. I just hate having to go through the process like a vicious cycle. I would so love to never have to endure another interview. I used to enjoy interviews, but now they stress me out. My confidence level is tested every time. I hate that I can't not invest myself in every opportunity, and get my hopes up. Because it's so hard then, when you get rejected. But I know it'll never change. That's just who I am.

Anyway, I feel better already. I think I really needed to get that out. There are other opportunities out there, I know, and I won't give up. When it finally happens, and I do land that 'ideal job', I am so having a karaoke dance party. And you're all invited.

I just returned home following a very memorable weekend away. It all began last Thursday...

Early Thursday morning, my mom, dad and I drove towards Collingwood, Ontario for a mini vacation and for my interview at a nearby resort called Talisman Resort Village. After the three-hour drive, we grabbed a bite to eat, then checked into a Days Inn hotel. In the afternoon, we made our way to Blue Mountain, another resort area with lots of interesting shops and a chairlift that's operational in the summer. We were hoping to catch a ride to the top of the mountain and take some pictures, but by the time we got there, the sky had turned insanely dark and they were shutting things down for safety reasons. When the rain started to fall and the thunder and lightning came out to play, we made a break for it. We really had no idea then what was in store. On our way back to the hotel, we came upon a sign that listed the Talisman Resort, and on a whim, we decided to follow that road for a while. Literally seconds ahead of us, a tornado passed through and demolished several houses, knocked over power lines and crushed every tree in its path. The road was covered in sheet metal and branches and uprooted hydro poles, so we had to navigate our way through the debris. It was such a terrifying and awesome sight to see. Several tornadoes hit that area, and other areas all across South Central and Eastern Ontario, including our hometown. Fortunately, we only lost power for a few hours, and that was the extent of the damage.

Once we'd arrived safely back in Collingwood, we stopped at a grocery store for some provisions and settled in for the night.

Friday – I woke up early and prepared for my interview as we packed things up. The drive to the Talisman was absolutely beautiful. It’s in such a scenic area, with rolling hills and mountains and so many trees. We made it there with several minutes to spare, so we looked around for a while. I fell in love with it instantly. About fifteen minutes ahead of schedule, I entered the main building, hoping I could sneak into the bathroom quick, but of course, Matt, the HR person I’ve been dealing with, was ready and waiting for me.

The interview went very well. I first had to complete a written test, and was given 15 minutes to answer three questions pertinent to the position (Coordinator of Recreation). Then, I was interviewed by a three-person panel, which lasted close to an hour. I was on top of my game; I was in the zone, as they say, and I’m very satisfied with the outcome. I’ll know their decision within a week. So stay tuned.

As if that wasn't enough excitement, I had to rush off to Toronto immediately following the interview to catch a bus to Stratford, Ontario. Friday + rush hour traffic + Toronto = STRESS! I never thought we'd get to the terminal in time, but by some miracle, we did just that. You know what's fun? Having to hop out of a van in the middle of a busy intersection because there isn't a parking spot to be had. I shouted my goodbyes and thank-yous to my parents, and dashed towards the terminal, getting a ticket and finding my future husband in the process. He was the perfect man. Tall, with an athletic build, thick, curly hair, he was funny, and assertive (in a good way). Of course, we got on different buses. But I've gotta feeling (woohoo) that we'll meet up again someday. You know what else is fun? When your bus driver tells you that it's very unlikely that you'll catch your connecting bus. Stress, stress and more stress. I swear, I had the world's biggest horseshoe up my ass that day. Again, I JUST made it. And when I finally found myself in Stratford at 7:30 that night, my friend Sarah’s mom was waiting for me, holding up a sign with my name on it. So adorable.

Saturday – Wedding day! Sarah’s mom and I had some last-minute wedding preparations to attend to. Sarah was the Maid of Honor, so she was needed elsewhere, and I stepped up to the plate.

The wedding was lovely. I almost cried. Partly because I was wearing a dress, and not just in the safety of my bedroom. Everyone made their way to the community center after the ceremony, where snacks and beverages were provided. The real festivities kicked off at 6 pm. The food was excellent: chicken, roast beef, potatoes, carrots, beans, rolls, CAKE, etc.

Instead of tapping our glasses for the happy couple to kiss, we had to tell funny stories. I couldn't wait to get up to the microphone to share some anecdotes. I got several laughs, which only spurred me on further. I believe I mentioned that I was single, and that if there were any interested parties, they could find me on the dance floor.

Happy Mike, AKA: Ronaldo from the Jack and Jill party, was there. He was one of the few single guys, so he was flitting from girl to girl, dancing up a storm. And then he danced with me, and he saw my moves firsthand, and he rightfully decided to hang with me for the rest of the night. He asked for my phone number after the festivities, but Julie doesn’t do phones, so I gave him my email instead. He’s already emailed five times. Oy.

Did I mention that there was a chocolate fountain? Sooo sweeeet. It was really one of the best weddings I’ve been to. We were a very lively bunch of people; lots of dancers and dancing, great food and great fun.

Sunday - There was a small gathering of people at the newlyweds' home, where we watched them open their cards and presents, and we all ate some of the leftover food. Woot! A couple of buses, a train and a van ride later, and I was home sweet home.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for...

( PICTURES! )

So, I bought a dress.

I'll give you all a moment to process that.

Basically, I'm a jock. I'm anti-frock. I haven't worn a dress since 2003. If I can avoid them at all cost, I do. I mean, it's not that I hate them, or the idea of them... actually, no, that's exactly what it is. I think I just prefer to see them on someone else's body. Not mine.

And then I go shopping with my mom. In Sears. And Sears has this mad sale on every freaking dress in the store. My mom is practically drooling, thinking this is her big chance to transform her daughter into the girly-girl she's always wanted. And I'm thinking that she's going to have to club me over the head with a mannequin before I *gasp* come within a five mile radius of one of those... things.

To make matters worse, I actually had a purpose for shopping. I'm going to a wedding next weekend, and I needed an outfit for the occasion. I had visions of navy pants (that I already own) and a nice summer blouse, possibly a light jacket to go over top. My mom had other plans.

Before I even realized what was happening, she was clutching about six dresses in her over-anxious hands, and dragging me into the change room.

Ugh. Ick. Gross. Ouch. Blech. Death.

After my less than enthusiastic reactions, my mom decided to not-so-subtly remind me of the SALE prices. There might have been pinching involved. Then, being the determined woman she is, she marched right back out to dress valley, and selected three more.

And I'll be damned. There was one that I didn't half mind the look of. It was red. Major points right off the bat. It was different, and fresh, and it just looked like me. So I tried it on, and wouldn't you know it; it fit like a glove. My mom could tell that I was sold. Plus, I'm a terrible liar. That happened to be the last dress of its kind in the store, so I guess it was meant for me.

Of course, being as allergic to dresses as I am, I also have a severe dress shoe allergy. But, as luck would have it, most of the shoes were on sale as well. And this lovely (low heel, thank God) red, dressy sandal was calling my name. So I bought 'em, and I bought the damn dress. In less than an hour, I'd been girl-ified.

Now, being the sharing kind of gal that I am, I shall post a picture of the infamous dress and shoes.

( Put on that dress, I'm going out dancing... )

Hope you have a fabulous birthday, Schmoops! I'm gonna hire you as my latex saleswoman. May you have a day filled with a thousand junior mints. It's chocolate, it's peppermint, it's delicious. It's very refreshing.



I gotta go now. These pretzels are making me thirsty.

It's delicious to know you, Pennypacker.

~ Varnsen

For you, I finally figured out how to work stuff, and you get an image. Yay for you! Hope you have an ab-fab day!!



P.S. I'll get you a new ice cream cone later. ;)

So I dropped my laptop the other day. I knew it would happen someday; I've envisioned several different scenarios, one more horrifying than the next. But it wasn't nearly as dramatic, or traumatic as I imagined it would be. It was a pretty graceful drop, as a matter of fact. I'd give it a 9.5 on the landing. The only damage seems to be a funny creaking sound that wasn't there before. I think I'll just chalk that up to old age, though. Strangely, I'm almost disappointed that it wasn't more spectacular.

In other news, I just finished my submission for the 'Heinz Ketchup Fan of the Century Contest' in honor of the brand's 100th birthday in Canada. The idea was to write a 100 word (or less) blurb on why I think I am worthy of this particular title, and the prize is $25,000! You know, it is impossibly difficult to sum up my love for Ketchup in 100 words. It's my most beloved condiment. But I am 100% convinced that I'm going to win this contest. I'm just so unbelievably certain. I won't know officially until some point in September, so stay tuned.

And now, in truelovepooh fashion, I will list some fun facts about Heinz Ketchup...

- There are 25 tomatoes in 1 litre of Heinz Ketchup
- Heinz Ketchup is the #1 best-selling brand of ketchup in the world
- Worldwide, Heinz uses over 2 million tons of tomatoes every year, more than any other company
- Tomatoes used for Heinz are never touched by human hands
- Ketchup contains 5x more of the powerful antioxidant Lycopene, than raw tomatoes
- 4 tablespoons of ketchup have the nutritional value of an entire ripe, medium tomato
- Behind Finland, Canada is the second largest consumer of ketchup in the world per capita, consuming an average of 1.4L of ketchup per person each year -- Yay Canada!
- Less than 10 people know the recipe for Heinz Ketchup
- Sticking a straw down to the bottom of the bottle will help ketchup flow faster
- Canadian Heinz Ketchup is slightly sweeter than American Heinz Ketchup -- Yay Canada!
- Heinz Ketchup in sold in over 140 countries around the world

I think that's enough trivia for now. Feel free to share this with your friends, and amaze them.